Just a few more weeks of this crazy work schedule and I’ll
be curled up in a ball on the couch, in my mom’s bed or at my boyfriend’s
doorstep sobbing about narcolepsy and how frustrating it is trying to be a
normal functioning human being. But is this life I’m living normal for a human
being? Most would say probably not. Now how bout we look at the issue of money;
the cost of living on your own, food expenses, owning a car, and the general
fact that living is fucking expensive. How does one ever expect me to move out
again from my parents place? They can’t possibly expect me to work sane hours
and be able to live like I’m not dying or not fearing the next time I’ll fall
asleep at the wheel. They just can’t have these silly irrational expectations
of me; the girl who is supposed to nap daily…how is she to ever work enough to
financially support her own self and be happy.
Balance; yes I’ve heard it plenty lately. You need to find
the balance between work aka money and your health, your life and your general
happiness. You know what? I think it’s a lie when you’re young and starting
out, and a lie when you’re narcoleptic. I’m both of these things, young and
narcoleptic and I have a theory that I can only pick TWO of these options. It
was happiness and health these past 3-4 months. However my bank account is
screaming at me and my ambitions of seeing the world and achieving the big
dreams I have are slowly becoming unrealistic because I simply have money to
pay for my car insurance, the gas that goes in it and the rent that I pay my
parents to keep a roof over my head. Now with a second job, technically a third
if you count my self-employed photography as a job…I am questioning which two
options I’ll be picking. Work is the one option; now do I pick health or happiness?
But in all seriousness…how does one stay happy with no social life and how does
one stay healthy if I choose to have a social life? I work so much or at odd
hours in comparison to my friends…therefore I rarely see them and it’s a lack
of quality time. I just want all the answers and I want the answers to be
simple. I just want to fast forward 2-3 years from now when I hopefully am
using my Photography as a MAIN source of income. It is then that I truly
believe I’ll be able to pick all three options. Work won’t be work, it will
just be money from doing something that is contributing to my general
happiness.
As for all you normal non-narcoleptics reading this…I get
it. 43-hour workweek ain’t shit for you and your perfect health living off no
sleep. I’m glad that your biggest worry when you sleep for 4 hours is the bags
you’ll have under your eyes the next day. Good for you, I’m actually jealous of
you…much like you are jealous of my “convenient” excuse for napping.
Lets see how miserable this 43-hour work week can make me.
And to answer your question…yes…yes I am being a bitter negative Nancy
currently. And no…no I am not trying to be rude…I’m simply expressing how I
feel to prolong the fetal position and tears that are to come in the following
weeks.
