making narcolepsy look good;: bittersweet;

Skipping a nap because you don’t want to miss out on something, not making a decision about plans for your Friday until you get the best offer, whatever it may be I am pretty sure I’ve been guilty. I’ve learned to stop having expectations, I’ve learned the less I know about a situation the better time I usually have. Things like asking whose all going to be there before I decide if I am going to go the social gathering or the party. Spur of the moment decisions are the best and I truly believe that, maybe that’s why I am good at procrastinating. That probably is the reason backpacking attracts me, not knowing exactly what I’m doing each day, it intrigues me I suppose. Too much of unknown things bored me…

Where am I going with this blog, I have no idea. I’ve had some difficulty staying sane these past few days. I have hated this city, I have loved this city, and I have resented being in this city, but yet I am not ready to leave. This city is nothing like home, not a place I dream of calling home, but it’s a city that I’ve had a lot of experiences in. Moving away, not knowing a single soul, living on my own, attending college. I wouldn’t say I am all grown up, but compared to 10 months ago, I feel like I have grown up.

I can’t find the time to pack, I have the time, I just can’t find the energy to pack up. It’s almost like I don’t want to leave, I am not ready to leave, and that’s why I can’t pack up my things. 10 months ago I wasn’t ready to leave, I was terrified of leaving home. I was terrified of loosing friends, missing out on things, not having experiences shared with my best friends. Now I’m terrified of leaving here and loosing friends. I only have a few months of being good friends with some of these people, how can I be sure in 80 or 90 days when I come back here that we can start where we left off? I can’t be sure, and for that I am bothered by it. My good friends back home, some of the best I know are people that I have shared many experiences with, we all keep in touch through blogging (personal blogs) and we all catch up within moments of seeing each other. I use to worry about getting off track, but I know now that we’re all capable of keeping in touch because I’ve lived through it. Having friends all over the map, well this is a new one. Although there are people here I don’t much care for, there are about 5 I do. Out of those 5, how many will I ever see again? It just is something that’s been on my mind, something that is making it difficult for me to pack my things.

Not everyone you meet, become friends with, or become best friends with are meant to stay in your life. No matter how much you want them too, every relationship you have is a two way street. It’s something I need to remember; I often find myself working hard to keep a friendship alive when in the end my time could be better spent. My friendships made here, everyone that walked in and out of my life, either made my time here more enjoyable or taught me a lesson. I guess it’s time I leave I it up to faith to decide who sticks around in my life and who was only temporary.

While I’ve just posted about meaningless thoughts, I think its time I cracked a beer open and went to work on packing my things. I’ll end this with some pictures as some of you have requested I post pictures more often! ;) Also, i get i am going to school for photography...don't mind the complete %#^$ quality of the following photographs, they were all taken with my ipod touch! Haha!

Happy thoughts