Monday, 10 March 2014

It's OK to be Grumpy;

Just a few more weeks of this crazy work schedule and I’ll be curled up in a ball on the couch, in my mom’s bed or at my boyfriend’s doorstep sobbing about narcolepsy and how frustrating it is trying to be a normal functioning human being. But is this life I’m living normal for a human being? Most would say probably not. Now how bout we look at the issue of money; the cost of living on your own, food expenses, owning a car, and the general fact that living is fucking expensive. How does one ever expect me to move out again from my parents place? They can’t possibly expect me to work sane hours and be able to live like I’m not dying or not fearing the next time I’ll fall asleep at the wheel. They just can’t have these silly irrational expectations of me; the girl who is supposed to nap daily…how is she to ever work enough to financially support her own self and be happy.
Balance; yes I’ve heard it plenty lately. You need to find the balance between work aka money and your health, your life and your general happiness. You know what? I think it’s a lie when you’re young and starting out, and a lie when you’re narcoleptic. I’m both of these things, young and narcoleptic and I have a theory that I can only pick TWO of these options. It was happiness and health these past 3-4 months. However my bank account is screaming at me and my ambitions of seeing the world and achieving the big dreams I have are slowly becoming unrealistic because I simply have money to pay for my car insurance, the gas that goes in it and the rent that I pay my parents to keep a roof over my head. Now with a second job, technically a third if you count my self-employed photography as a job…I am questioning which two options I’ll be picking. Work is the one option; now do I pick health or happiness? But in all seriousness…how does one stay happy with no social life and how does one stay healthy if I choose to have a social life? I work so much or at odd hours in comparison to my friends…therefore I rarely see them and it’s a lack of quality time. I just want all the answers and I want the answers to be simple. I just want to fast forward 2-3 years from now when I hopefully am using my Photography as a MAIN source of income. It is then that I truly believe I’ll be able to pick all three options. Work won’t be work, it will just be money from doing something that is contributing to my general happiness.
As for all you normal non-narcoleptics reading this…I get it. 43-hour workweek ain’t shit for you and your perfect health living off no sleep. I’m glad that your biggest worry when you sleep for 4 hours is the bags you’ll have under your eyes the next day. Good for you, I’m actually jealous of you…much like you are jealous of my “convenient” excuse for napping.
Lets see how miserable this 43-hour work week can make me. And to answer your question…yes…yes I am being a bitter negative Nancy currently. And no…no I am not trying to be rude…I’m simply expressing how I feel to prolong the fetal position and tears that are to come in the following weeks.